2016 is already ruined

nye2016

Fuck 2016. I can’t deal with all your opinions about who should or shouldn’t win the US Presidential election. Not for another 11 goddamn months. Let me put it this way: Batman is going to be in TWO movies this year plus the new Ghostbusters looks awesome and I can’t look forward to any of it because you’re polluting my media with this meaningless nonsense.

You know who should win the election? No one. No one deserves to be the next President of the United States because they’re all assholes.

Let’s get Trump and Bernie out of the way. They’re both opposite sides of the same coin. They’re both saying exactly what the extreme sides of their respective parties want to believe even though neither can deliver on anything they’re promising. Believing in either of them is like believing in a fairy tale. That one fairy tale is about reveling in violent, ignorant bigotry and the other is about building a fair, just utopia doesn’t matter since they’re both fucking fiction. Besides, if the race situation in America is as shitty as ever after the first black POTUS, some old white dude from Vermont-by-way-of-Brooklyn is going to solve it because he marched 50 years ago? As if.

Cruz and Rubio? Nothing is more likely to get you on my shit list than supporting either Cruz or Rubio. They’re Cubans. My family came from Cuba. I was raised around Cubans. I fucking hate Cubans. They’re a bunch of shifty, selfish, arrogant, dim-witted fucks. I call myself a New Yorker first and foremost, if only to fight the Cuban in me. I understand why Anakin was so whiny in the Star Wars prequels: the struggle against the Dark Side is real. Yeah, I would rather have Trump in the White House than either of these chumps.

Which I guess leaves a bunch of random shitheads on the right and Clinton on the left. No one cares about the random shitheads anymore, so really just Clinton. It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s that I think she’ll lie, cheat and steal if she has to in order to be President. Even moreso than expected, that is. And probably more fucking enthusiastically than anything she does in public.

See? All assholes. So shut the fuck up and try to make 2016 bearable for me, ok? I have more important things, like Batman and Ghostbusters, on which to focus.